We read this Shabbat from Parshat Nitzavim, where Moses gathers all the people who live within the camp around him. He knows his time on earth is coming to a close and he focuses much of this final teaching on teshuvah, which we translate as, “forgiveness/repentance.” The literal meaning of the word teshuvah, means to “turn, to return.” The practice of teshuvah requires us to physically reorient ourselves and turn away from the behaviors that caused hurt or pain. It requires us to return to ourselves, to the essence of who we are and who we hope to become.
There’s a story in the Talmud about Rabbi Meir and his wife Bruriah. Rabbi Meir was so distraught and angry with wicked people in their village who were behaving badly. He prayed that they would die. But Bruriah stopped him. She said, “It doesn’t say in Psalms, ‘Let sinners be destroyed.’ It says, ‘Let sins be destroyed.’ Don’t pray for their death. Pray for their turning. Pray that they may turn, be led to repentance and the wicked will be no more.” He turned and prayed for them and thereupon they turned and were led to repent.
One small turn, one reorientation of the heart, can transform the way we engage with ourselves and others.
Moses shares with the people that teshuvah:
“It is not in the heavens, that you should say, ‘Who among us can go up to the heavens and get it for us?’ Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, ‘Who among us can cross the sea and get it for us?’ No — the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it” (Deut. 30:12-14).
Teshuvah is not something that is out of our reach; rather it’s within us and part of who we are. It requires more of us than saying “I’m sorry”; while that is a very good start, our tradition encourages us to go deeper.
When asked about the process of teshuvah, Maimonides taught, a person should be able to say, “I am someone else entirely, not the same person as the one who did those things” (Mishnah Torah, Hilkhot Teshuvah 2:4). The act of teshuvah is about reimagining one’s self. Turning away from the behaviors that caused harm, turning inward to examine who you are, and then turning once again and experiencing personal transformation. “According to Maimonides, teshuvah… is a far more demanding task, a continual process of self-creation” (R. Vincent Calabrese).
In Judaism, the process of orienting ourselves is something we are familiar with. When we pray, we turn our bodies eastward, toward Jerusalem. The Talmud teaches when we recite the Shema we must turn our hearts towards the heavens, to focus our intention. The interplay between physical and spiritual turning is beautiful when we think of the work of teshuvah, which requires mind, body and soul working in tandem.
Seeking forgiveness from others requires us first to turn inward and look at ourselves with honesty and even vulnerability. We turn and face truths we sometimes try to hide from, the places we’ve fallen short, the words we regret and the patterns we want to change. Before we turn outward and engage in teshuvah with those we have hurt or been hurt by, we must first engage in a teshuvah ritual with ourselves.
If we can’t forgive ourselves, it is hard to fully turn. Confronting our mistakes with compassion, learning from them, and choosing to turn toward a new way of being is the reorientation that allows us to engage in the work soulfully.
On this final Shabbat of 5785, only steps away from a New Year, I encourage us to take time to turn. Turn inward and connect deeply with your inner being. Turn away from those behaviors that cause pain and hurt, to yourself and others. Turn toward growth and transformation. The process of teshuvah is physical just as much as it is spiritual. The beauty of turning is that it is continual. If you happen to turn back you can always return and orient yourself towards living up to your best self.
May we have the courage to turn with honesty, the gentleness to forgive ourselves and the strength to turn to those we have hurt and seek connection through forgiveness.
On a personal note, as I approach my second High Holy Days here at Temple Beth El, my heart is turned towards love and deep gratitude. I feel blessed to serve as one of your rabbis and excited to welcome a New Year of soulful living together. May our journey into 5786 be illuminated by the light of Torah, sheltered by the Divine presence and enhanced by the beauty of our tradition. May we continue to bless one another, strengthen one another and care for one another.
Shabbat Shalom and Shanah Tovah U’Metukah!
Rabbi Laila Haas
